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2011-01-22T22:05:00.004+08:00

I won a lucky draw at work and the prize happened to be a free online strengths assessment by a company called Gallup Consulting. After answering 177 questions, I received the following test results which listed my main traits:

Intellection

You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the “muscles” of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused; for example, you may be trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings. The exact focus will depend on your other strengths. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

Input

You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

Competition

Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people’s performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow. Like all competitors, you need other people. You need to compare. If you can compare, you can compete, and if you can compete, you can win. And when you win, there is no feeling quite like it. You like measurement because it facilitates comparisons. You like other competitors because they invigorate you. You like contests because they must produce a winner. You particularly like contests where you know you have the inside track to be the winner. Although you are gracious to your fellow competitors and even stoic in defeat, you don’t compete for the fun of competing. You compete to win. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely.

Activator

“When can we start?” This is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Only action can make things happen. Only action leads to performance. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that “there are still some things we don’t know,” but this doesn’t seem to slow you. If the decision has been made to go across town, you know that the fastest way to get there is to go stoplight to stoplight. You are not going to sit around waiting until all the lights have turned green. Besides, in your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, guided by your Activator theme, you believe that action is the best device for learning. You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. This learning informs your next action and your next. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? Well, you believe you can’t. You must put yourself out there. You must take the next step. It is the only way to keep your thinking fresh and informed. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you.

Achiever

Your Achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by “every day” you mean every single day—workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.

2011-01-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

Can't believe the weekend is over.

Imagine the journey to work.

Sleepy, dozing zombies on the train.

The Great Singapore Squeeze.

And sometimes I wished there are less people.

Even starting from home early doesn't work.

2010-12-04T21:26:00.004+08:00

When I was attending school, I always hear tales of working friends collapsing on the sofa coming home from work. Well, at least, I thought those were tales used to turn down outings on weekends.

Now I am part of the story. When it was peaceful, pace of work was fast but manageable. During production release periods, work becomes overwhelming. Now I drop dead on the sofa easily and remain 'strung' throughout waking times.

2010-11-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

As my (and our) first project goes live, I bask in feelings of fulfillment (not complacency though).

After years of what I believe is development, this is actually the first time I am producing a serious piece of work. It's also my first system development life cycle.

yes, ownership of a piece of work feels great. conquering issues feels even better.

I'm sensing continual growth again.

2010-11-05T23:49:00.002+08:00

Where work life balance is concerned, I score badly.

Even while not physically in office, it's mentally unsettling to know there's a backlog.

I must learn to enjoy and not worry so much. Why is it so hard?

2010-11-01T21:41:00.002+08:00

i like my job working on a trading application

good benefits, nice environment, talented technologists.

Much to learn and explore. :)

2010-10-17T08:57:00.002+08:00

Finally, after much consideration, i bought my first e-book reading device.

So much thinking and deciding while others are rushing for iPhones and iPad.

And I ended buying iRiver Story.

Why not iPad?

Too much for plain reading, way past my budget.

Why not Amazon Kindle?

Actually, Kindle is cheaper, even after shipping fees. But the major drawback is that it only supports Kindle and PDF formats, and there is no local warranty.

So far so good.

Now, I can finally put all my finance, technology and story books together and carry them with me. Next up: figuring how to use National Library's e-resources to extend my collection.

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2010-10-03T13:06:00.004+08:00

6 weeks into work and it's the start of 7th week tomorrow.

Feeling? challenged absolutely.

I wouldn't think myself a fresh graduate, shirking responsibility.

I enjoy being ambitious, absorbing and learning all the time.

Programming, finance, people skills, etc.

I'm adapting to the pace and environment.

Knee deep in code.

Weekdays pass in a blink.

Weekends too.

I like Friday evenings.

I make it a point to dine and catch up with friends.

Friday is a "how're you doing?" day.

If we haven't yet met, please let me know :)

Tentative projections/plans:

- Start a long term investment

- achieve CFA level 1 by next year June

- Get a ebook reader (damn, why doesn't Amazon ship Kindles/ Kindle content to Singapore?)

- Ceteris Paribus, stay frugal !

2010-09-11T08:02:00.002+08:00

Recently I started a black book.

I bought a black leather notebook, hence a "black book."

I realized no matter what i read, nothing sticks.

So it dawned on me that i needed to capture the essentials which could be useful.

The inspiration came from a friend whom i attended a weekend course with.

He used a notebook to jot down the subtleties while he was learning C++.

So far, this way has worked well for me.

------------------------

For the past few days at work, I went through any documentation I could find.

It was quite disappointing having no direction. I wanted to get ahead but I was getting nowhere.

The worst thing is not knowing what you don't know.

And I wonder why things are fragmented.

On my own, I am still using weekends to catch up.

2010-09-02T20:28:00.003+08:00

it's almost 2 weeks into work.

i miss my days wearing t shirt, shorts and slippers,

although i readily embraced the experience of swimming in a big firm.

it's a boundless sea of systems & procedures. terms & abbreviations.

likewise, there is no dearth of new skills and knowledge to pick up.

team meetings were often. there were overseas visitors too.

emails came in hundreds every day. 2 weeks of email can easily beat my one year's worth of personal mail.

the corporate world surely exposed the chinks in my armor.

i was a wet blanket at recent social occasions because i was afraid to speak up. i couldn't articulate well at meetings too.

Certainly it's a high paced environment.

but i believe, slowly but surely, i will bridge my weaknesses.

2010-08-20T00:59:00.002+08:00

I secretly wish time wouldn't pass so fast.

I want more time to get ready.

2010-08-16T22:00:00.002+08:00

Finally the lazy man has new blog design templates to choose from.

It's been a while since I truly did my own blog template.

I've always emphasized simplicity, clarity and all about being a minimalist.

That has some truth. But the other side of the coin is that I've gotten sick of custom designs.

This blog finally had a makeover. But it has fallen to disuse. Heck.

Recently, I have been doing things I never believed in.

First, I registered for corporate photography. I actually enjoyed the process. I didn't have to bring anything. The folks at the studio had the blazer, formal shirt, and tie. A makeup artist did some light makeup for me. It did for a moment felt quite fun.

Secondly, I tailored more formal shirts with bold colors. And I visited the tailor a few times. Each time I gathered more fabric knowledge through casual conversation with the store owner.

Thirdly, I signed up for a weekend course and went in for the first lesson in slippers and shorts. The material are a bit dry though. A few people looked drowsy after lunch. There were group work and presentations. My group members either ignored what I said or spoke so fast that I stood no chance to pick up any meaningful idea of what was said.

2010-08-07T07:18:00.002+08:00

4 more days to end of national service.

I can already see in my mind's eye my pink identity card.

Thanks to a friend, I found a job. I'm excited about starting work, probably because I have been a workaholic all these years. I want to learn new skills and make new friends.

2010-07-24T23:56:00.003+08:00

2 more weeks to the end of NS.

The nearer the date, the further it seemed.

I just applied for 3 days of leave followed by Saturday and Sunday which effectively bailed me out from camp for the past few days.

I had good reasons for doing so, for I attended a job interview on Friday and took prior 2 days to prepare. If the interviewing game is not my nature, then nurture be the way.

I revised my Java topics wholeheartedly and researched the company. I felt the interview was okay. It all depends on them now.

Five more days and I would know if my research paper has been accepted for conference. I hope it does. Then, I would get a chance to travel and to present.

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2010-07-10T11:30:00.002+08:00

Exactly one month to 10 August 2010.

Operationally released date.

And thank god, I have 6 days of unused leave.

That amounts to 1 whole week off duty.

What's my story so far?

Convocation/graduation ceremony just ended 3 days ago.

Took lots of photos with lots of people.

Also made an appearance on live broadcast during the graduation.

Have been using weekends to get enough rest at home and also work on improving/upgrading skills. Also achieved certain milestones over the past 1-2 months.

- Self-learnt the basics of economics and finance

- Currently learning to program in Perl

- Set up a linked in profile

- Set up a personal website

- Cleared 3-4 paperbacks

Truly a good time for self-reflection while waiting for recruiters to call.

2010-06-26T09:38:00.002+08:00

45 more days (roughly 6 weeks) to ORD

I was relocated to a new place completely shut out from the world.

Hand phone reception was poor.

I volunteered for any task which kept me occupied so that time wouldn't just "crawl."

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2010-06-03T07:07:00.004+08:00

Good news and bad news.

Bad news is that I am back in camp.

I owe 'them' 83 days of service.

amounts to 2 months 3 weeks. FML.

fortunately I am taking on a much more passive role.

Good news is that I've gotten my results and my efforts paid off well.

a first-class honors. my goal met.

despite so, my supposedly secured job, under some unlucky circumstances, is now unconfirmed.

to hedge the risk, i am rethinking my goals and applying for more jobs.

i m dead broke. 10 June 2010, please come soon. i need my allowance.

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2010-05-26T00:37:00.003+08:00

Although I'm not any gifted in music or knowledgeable about it, I still like listening and watching this:

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2010-05-21T07:40:00.004+08:00

Back to camp

to serve my remaining 83 days

the freedom after exams/graduation was short lived

it's again back to the exact settings three years ago

i called it the "stock exchange"

except that most of the faces are new

i wish i can fast forward 83 days

come on, let me move on! don't lock me in here!

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2010-05-16T00:36:00.002+08:00

take a present snapshot of me

i am well aware that i have changed

for the better or for the worse borders on the contentious

but one thing for sure, i know i have changed in a number of ways

i asked why food isn't ready barely two minutes upon order

i try hard to avoid crowds to move quickly

did i expect life to function like computers?

i also get increasingly critical

What i learnt in classroom was impractical

i begin to identify things that matter

crisp truths versus fluff which smothered my senses

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2010-05-11T09:30:00.002+08:00

I've graduated!

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2010-05-01T17:23:00.002+08:00

exactly 7 days to the last paper.

i mean last paper of NUS.

how cool is that?

it's been a long wait.

i have endured hardships and overcome challenges.

and forged valuable friendships & "fiend"ships

dear friends, i thank you for lending support when hope was in short supply

dear fiends, i thank you for the experiences which bestowed upon me the ability to discern

it's been an eventful three years

good mug and drool times

good hacking code times

good coffee times

i have so much to say, being someone who dwells in school 7 days a week

gaining freedom soon feels like going out from jail

i hope the day would come but uncertainties abound create a tension of the opposites

even with a job, i am still lost and confused. What's next?

i put on the graduation gown and wondered why we couldn't just dress in tees

2010-04-05T09:50:00.002+08:00

I finally discovered what works best for me.

i haven't been this cheerful, energetic and "alive" all the while.

completing work on time. having enough sleep. eating well and feeling good.

here are some of the habits which has helped me a lot:

- setting just 3 major tasks to do everyday (find your own optimal size for each task)

- read something or listen to something while you travel. (exceptions: don't do this standing, don't read on bus) I generally avoid newspaper because i hate people who spread their 'chicken wings'.

-avoid potato chips and junk food. eat sensibly.

-devise your own exercise routine. can't help you lose weight but prevents you from getting sluggish. my own routine takes about 10 minutes everyday, with a mixture of on-the-spot jogging, slow push ups, crunches, bridge, etc.

-have enough sleep.

2010-03-17T08:58:00.002+08:00

it's almost the end--graduation.
even the snail mail has arrived.
indicate your attendance, order your graduation dresses. ("why dress and not outfit?")
that also means the dissertation is due soon (omg)

i must push on using my last burst of energy!

~20 days to submission of dissertation
~22 days to submission of 5000-word case study
~11 days to presentation for case study
~6 days to submission of service oriented architecture assignment

what's the motivation?

a good honors degree
a graduation trip (i long to have a holiday)
catch up on sleep and exercise i sorely lack
visit people and places

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2010-02-13T18:21:00.002+08:00

Everyone's crazy about applying for jobs before graduation.

still, i don't feel the urgency because i don't know what i want.

but herd behavior has drove me to start applying.

i saw how others wrote their resumes, took some samples and re-did mine.

into 1 neat page.

something that really made me laugh was this career objective(s).

it's fake, sounds fake and, in my humble opinion, throttles growth and versatility.

so i left that out when i sent my resume.

should there be any objectives, it should at best be a high level statement.

At least i didn't try to "smoke."

besides applying for jobs, i planned out my last stretch of school.

Things that i want to do:
1. write up thesis report
2. write paper notes/cards to express gratitude to those who helped me in my research (even if things don't turn out well)
3. donate useful materials to deserving juniors.

Things that I may do:
1. Graduation trip
2. Switch to mac
3. Learn python programming

2010-01-27T10:50:00.003+08:00

I'm near to giving up.

half the data I have collected could not be used.

people simply didn't care.

they just anyhow filled up the questionnaires, promptly collected $10 and ran off.

yet i spent hours keying in the data.

mostly useless.

There's a suitable term for this. that's GIGO (Garbage In Garbage Out)

with such junk data, i could hardly squeeze out any results.

tried numerous ways to interpret the data till 4 am yesterday.

i remember who you are. yes, beware. you will always be in my heart.

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2010-01-23T21:52:00.002+08:00

the experiment is over.
10 hours. recruited 196 participants.
all sorts of people.
of course, you'd expect it to be quite crazy for a first-timer.
Every hour, i would recite instructions least 1-3 times to early comers, late comers and random walk-ins.
most came for the ten bucks, and honestly i would expect them to work for every buck by participating properly.
but as usual, that's the ideal.
someone told me before, "don't think these are university students, some are really idiots"
that stroke a chord with what I am thinking right now. spot on.
sometimes, i wonder why we can't have a jerk-free society.
as i now flipped through the completed questionnaires, there were people who obviously circled the same answers for every question.
I still remembered on the day the experiment took place, there was one guy who told me,"can you phrase your questions properly? I think it's not well-phrased."
well, i was appalled by how rude people can be.
"just who do you think you are? a professor?"
hot-tempered as i am, i controlled myself.
at the end of it all, i was totally exhausted. still i carried the whole stack of completed questionnaires back home.
only to realise many had simply anyhow filled up their questionnaires.
it was obvious.
i spent a lot of effort to prepare everything. creating the web pages for experiment, the questionnaires, the stapling, the coordination of time slots and the list goes on.
but still, i feel very much indebted to the phD student who helped me out. she woke up early on that day of experiment. and i was also aware that she had her own work as well.
thank you so much.
and thanks to another friend who sacrificed his time to conduct the experiment with me.
i really had my fair share of hard knocks this time.

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2010-01-10T10:09:00.002+08:00

drive is a thing so elusive, one moment it comes, the next moment it slips.

thankfully, i'm driven today. perhaps by fear?

tomorrow is the day i conduct my pilot test with eight people.

and the next week is the real thing.

without saying, today will a busy day for tomorrow's sake.

In school now. Just settled down.

there's not a single soul, except for the foreign students quietly hidden away in the labs.

tomorrow's is also the first day of school for the new semester.

can't help feeling the blues.

as always, there are two sides to the coin,

it's either the start of school or the last semester of undergrad studies.

i prefer to think the latter but tend towards the former.

let's hope the next two crucial weeks will be smooth sailing.

okay it's time to sign off. down to work.

FY2009 Report

2009-12-29T21:09:00.002+08:00

it's almost another year. not very eventful.

Jan-May 2009. student exchange programme.

I loved being an exchange student. Those were the days of respite. I could put aside all my worries as I need only average passes.

the professor teaching the supply chain module inspired me with his unconventional ways.
Intensity and toughness radiated within his tiny wiry figure. He gave practical take-home advice and I like that.

At the partner university, I was also lucky to have hardworking people in my project teams except a small handful. Coincidentally, the outlaws formed a team:

it was a all-girls team except for my friend and I.
one girl didn't show up at meetings until the day before presentation. reason: not feeling well.
another girl claimed to be knowledgeable but would panic at the sight of problems. just like a doctor couldn't stand blood.
another girl would cling on to writing reports.
the end?
I marked them down in my appraisals. despite one of them being from the same polytechnic as me. having met numerous fiends, i was extremely intolerant.

Aside from this experience, i had some difficulty understanding statistics and coping with my operating systems module.

But overall, exchange was a good experience.

Jun-Jul 2009. start of final year project.

lots of printing and reading. learning the ropes to research. other than work, life was monotonous. took on some freelance work but ended up not delivering on time and eventually aborting the project. i felt like a joke.

Aug - Nov 2009. This part of my life is called hell weeks.

research combined with heavy development.
developing a large scale system was very hard.
not everyone was committed.
five of six guys had to cope with research work. i was one of them.
the system development had a few milestones and deadlines.
each represented one or more sleepless nights in school.
for almost every day i was typing code and pulling my hair out.
shortly after we delivered the system, three others and I continued to write our progress reports for another two nights in school, one of which fell on the day everyone speculated that there would be meteor rain.
in fact, upon finishing the report, i sat staring at the skies for a whole 2o minutes in the wee hours just outside the faculty building and i saw nothing.
a few days later, the first exam came and i still prepared to my best of ability.
unexpectedly, a lot of questions came from the guest lecture and i slept through that lecture out of sheer fatigue.
actually, on hindsight, only one guy on the project team wasn't committed. he was smart and he presented himself well. he wrote good english as well. but he just wasn't with us. as much as we didnt understand him, he didnt understand how bad our team situation was.

that pretty much summed up the entire part of hell weeks.

Dec 2009 - future.

I'm currently still busy with research work. I'm left with half a year and then I would serve my remaining days in national service. my new year resolutions are:

shape up (a lofty goal)
secure a good job
stay happy

i didn't set out to write a financial report but it looks like i have written a fiscal year report. I hope next year's "financials" would be better not just for me, but for you too, my reader.

2009-12-20T10:52:00.002+08:00

I'm grateful to those who helped me in my pretest survey.

I know I haven't talked to some of you in ages and for this once i did, it was shamelessly for a survey. I feel bad about this but I have no choice since I don't have a lot of contacts to begin with.

Anyway, thank you if you have taken part in this survey. =)

I am left with about 6 more responses.

Hopefully things will be alright.

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2009-12-10T09:21:00.003+08:00

I realized even after the examinations, days still flew by.
many of my peers took upgrading and certification courses.
i choose not to do the same.
Just to offload my heavily stressed pea brain.
I was back in work, working on my badly managed honors year project.
I still hate what happened.
dialogue sessions, feedback? lip service.
so like Shakira says, "so don't bother~"
perhaps more foresight but not so much as to have oversight.

I need to learn statistics, experiment design and conduct pretest and pilot test all in one month.
To my horror, the help I envisioned would not be available as most of the people would be overseas for a conference until the 20th.
I was referred to a PhD student. I contacted him and he told me he was going back to China.
And come 20th, it dawned on me that it's 5 days to xmas.
It feels like one of those many times that I want to throw in the towel or raise a white flag.

I want to "biang biang" people.

2009-12-05T00:57:00.002+08:00

The examinations have finally ended.
i feel like a plane which has flown across the Atlantic Ocean.
The wings are battered and a few screws are falling off.
It's going to take a long time to service this plane.

Struggles

2009-11-24T23:02:00.001+08:00

I believe that nobody reads this blog anymore.
reason(s):
1. This blog has been abandoned for a long time.
2. Its owner only writes about school and nothing else.

Still, I want to say that this has been a painful semester.
night after night my teammates and I stayed in school.
I think I must have wrote more than 10000 lines of code.
The number of report pages exceeded 500.
And a final presentation rehearsal spanned 7 hours with the final presentation hitting 3 hours.
What you've just read is not a myth, it is a module. One module.
Together with a honors year research project and two other modules, a perfect hell was conceived.
In retrospect, I learned a few things,
- clever and bright people may not make the best teammates.
- never use windows vista + eclipse for development. Horribly slow.
- tough men may last, but tough times may last even longer.
- Murphy's law always hold. perfectly fine programs crumble during presentations.

I m tough but I have broken down a few times amidst these tougher than tough times. The next things coming up is an exam and finally operationalizing my research. If you read, pray for me. I need lots of luck for the next few months.

2009-10-31T07:57:00.002+08:00

I stopped updating for a while because I was busily writing and programming in school.

It's been the toughest semester so far.

For last one week alone, I stayed over two nights in school. In total, for the entire semester until now, the number of stay overs must have easily exceeded ten.

it's two weeks to the end of all horror, a 200+ functions system with reports spanning two to three hundred pages.

why must "they" do this to us? it's horribly unfair to drive us to do honors year project and deliver a large system at the same time. Had that not been the case, programming would have been more fun and days wouldn't be gloomy.

2009-09-08T02:00:00.002+08:00

I wish god would hear me and show me the way.
I may look strong and loud.
But I do have a lot of inner fears and frustrations.

I learned not to complain.

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2009-09-06T09:38:00.003+08:00

I'm having a crazy semester.
last few weeks I felt like a fish out of water.
almost every day was spent in meetings and discussions.
there's so much to do and so little time on hand.
a lot of things happened recently.
a few good buddies from NUS and SMU flew off.
didnt get to send them off.
Grandma is in hospital.
Just terminated the wireless internet at home. switched to mobile broadband since it is cheaper overall. $14.50/month
Finally changed phone. Not a fantastic upgrade, but still a reasonably useful phone. E71 has much of what I need without burning a hole in my pocket.
Still working hard on my research topic.
Took a pharmacology module this semester as well. It is quite interesting and low in workload. 2 hours lecture/ week. no tutorials or projects. But you have to remember names of medications.
There's just so much more to write but I think I will update when I have the time.

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2009-07-23T12:20:00.002+08:00

Right now, I'm here facing the four walls. Stoned.
Alone in a little discussion room with just myself.
Half-dozing, half-aware of the subtle humming of the air-conditioner.
Let's face it. I'm in just no mood to do anything.
Spent the past hour reading blogs.
Browsing photos and admiring the colorful lives of others, wondering why mine's monochrome.

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2009-07-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

The last thing I ever want is the end of holidays.
and it seems like it's less than 1 month left.
there's so much to do and so little time.
Sometimes I feel like the four walls are closing in.
And seeing others graduating recently, I can't help feeling envy. When's my turn?
Luckily, recent events like birthdays, movies & dinners preserved some sanity.
Last weekend, with a group of friends, I watched Ice Age 3 in 3D. It was quite interesting to see the characters seemingly popped out of the screen dancing right before your eyes.
After the movie followed a hearty dinner at Cafe Cartel. Under the warm lights, we chatted, ate chicken and munched on crispy bread while the rain poured heavily outside.

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2009-07-10T21:20:00.003+08:00

today marks the day that for the first time I gave a short talk to a group of 100+ people.
i agreed to give the talk simply because i want to overcome my fear and improve my public speaking. honestly, while i was preparing for the talk, i cursed myself for agreeing and moments before my turn to speak, i felt like my stomach was turning upside down. but i decided to feel the fear and do it anyway. so here i've done it and i'm proud of myself even though i m aware that i haven't improved much. at the very least, i took up the challenge.

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2009-06-27T23:06:00.003+08:00

Two days ago, as I was on the MRT on my way to attend a dinner, I saw a wheelchair-bound passenger
trying to board the train. Halfway in, part of the two side wheels sunk slightly into the gap between the train door and the commuter platform and he could not move further. I held the two sides of his wheelchair and tried to raise the wheelchair onto the train but it barely budged. There were a lot of strong and young people around and I expected someone to help but they just looked on. It was only when there were signals that the doors were closing did one person came forth and pull the wheelchair backward onto the platform. There's something seriously wrong.
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I'm happy that I've roughly found my research topic after reading books, a number of journal papers and sitting down to think. I'm currently refining my topic. My professor has been supportive and encouraging. After each meeting (so far three), I learn something new and I'm motivated to clock more mileage. I was also right to drop my special term module. After doing so, I'm much happier and less stressed.

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2009-06-24T09:24:00.002+08:00

I decided to drop my "General Biology" module. I was interested in biology back in my secondary school days. I loved drawing cells and learning more about life (in the scientific sense). That was why I registered for a biology module. However, when formal lectures started two days ago, I felt I was no longer passionate about cells. The lab work and assignments pushed me to drop. I decided to focus on research and work on some simple freelance projects.

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2009-06-20T11:01:00.002+08:00

Time flies when life is busy.
My last summer holidays though relaxed passed slowly.
Now it feels like moments in a time machine.
Half of my holidays are history.

I sat for my "living with maths" module exam yesterday.
I managed to finish the paper and that I'm happy.
I like the module.
It teaches application of math to daily life and helped me relate better to discrete math, statistical and computer security concepts. I also learned to verify ISBN numbers, and find routes between locations.

For now, I plan to give myself a short break before continuing with research.

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2009-06-10T08:07:00.002+08:00

A group of us celebrated Mandy's belated birthday yesterday. We dined at Kenny Rogers and ordered quite a spread. I could see that everyone enjoyed the meal and there was a lot of laughter and teasing going round the table. I have always enjoyed warm occasions as such, catching up with friends over a long dinner or coffee break. It totally fits one of my favorite quotations:

You have achieved success if you have lived well, laughed often and loved much

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I like the song "Fly" by Hilary Duff. Here are the lyrics. Inspirational words in bold.

"Fly"

In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.

Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

And when you're down and feel alone,
Just want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,

In a moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of yesterday,

Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try,
Fly
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.

In a moment, everything can change.

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2009-05-30T09:18:00.003+08:00

Exam results were released yesterday.
fell short of expectations.
i read only 1 module this semester.
it's a subject i like,
and i worked really hard for it.
i spent much more time than anyone else.
and now i feel lousy.
Anyway, have to move on.
Another exam in 3 weeks time.
Another project milestone to meet by end of June.
let's move on, let's move on

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2009-05-16T20:20:00.002+08:00

Summer holidays are going to be different.
Well, actually I don't understand why people use the term "summer holidays" in Singapore.
It sounds artificial and "potato-ish" since we don't really experience the four seasons.
Anyway, I was saying holidays are going to be different.
I remembered I slept through my last summer holidays. On several mornings I would jog with Alfred. In the afternoons i would read or sleep. And days just went by painfully slow and boring.
This time round, I foresee holidays would be busier.

firstly i'm reading a summer term module.
Attending lectures 1 week after exams isn't fun.
Plus a monotonous lecture in the late afternoon, you get the most potent tranquilizer dart.
One friend beside me fiddles with his iPhone throughout the whole lecture. and the other beside me pretends to listen, occasionally closing her eyes. Strangely, everyone else is attentive. Are they all Shaolin monks? So disciplined?

secondly, i'm doing my honors project. i'm excited but frightened as well. i've worked hard and i'm definitely going to continue running for the next 1 year to make my efforts count. i'm learning to write better.

besides work, i forgot to plan leisure. ideas anyone?

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2009-05-08T08:36:00.004+08:00

Another semester ended.
I went places the last two days.
I brought a group of friends to farm mart in Chua Chu Kang.
Though most shops were closed, we enjoyed still.

One of the fun experiences was to watch a school of fishes gather around your legs...

Yesterday, we took a bus and walked to PS Cafe along Harding Road after dinner. As someone who frequents at cafes and coffee shops, I totally liked the place. The cafe had a warm and calming ambience. Away from the city "noise", it feels like a different world. The prices are a bit steep though.

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2009-04-28T19:25:00.003+08:00

Operating Systems interests yet scares.
Even with more than 2 weeks of time, I'm not prepared.
My mind wanders off to post exams whenever I try to revise.
I think of what to do on the day I stop writing and the examiner collects my script.
I think of what to do on the next day, the day after the next day and so on.
I want to sing.
I want to eat roti prata.
I want to catch up with friends.
Enjoy the simple pleasures.
But now, my life's in a mess with a bunch of random thoughts.
Seriously I need to get organized.

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When I attended the Final Year Project presentation of one student a week ago, I remembered those Chinese inter-university debates on TV. Q&A happened on-the-fly and it was intense. One year from now, I would be doing the same. But I'm unsure of myself. Even for day-to-day decisions, I'm not confident, let alone presenting to a group.

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2009-04-10T09:28:00.003+08:00

It's been more than a month.
The excuse for not writing regularly: I was recently told that my blog topics revolve around school work.
In short, s/he meant that I'm boring.
So, this post will likely be boring again.

About 2-3 weeks ago, I participated in Starhub IT Case competition. we had a hard time analyzing the case and proposing good strategies within 48 hours. But to a first-timer, I feel it's quite a challenge and a good experience. I've always been passive & seldom take part in competitions as such.

My local student exchange program is ending as well. After working with the students at the partner university, I have gained new perspectives. Generally, they present well (at least much better than I do). However, the greatest takeaway comes from reading the supply chain management module. The professor has inspired me to think critically and write clearly. To top it all, I've made few but like-minded friends.

as you are reading, my exams are coming and i am trying. motivation is in short supply and these are truly trying times for me.

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2009-03-07T07:11:00.002+08:00

I jettisoned my old plans.
No more extra semester.
Not getting an internship either.
Decided to focus on my honors year project.
Probably reading one special semester module, "Living with Mathematics".

I know I'm a nerd but I hate it when you, you and you say I have no life.
That's my life and my prerogative.

I ask, "what's having a life?"
To me, life means cherishing your family and close friends, having a direction and being yourself.

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2009-03-03T07:20:00.001+08:00

Just in case you don't know the difference between i.e. and e.g.

http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/abbreviations/f/ievseg.htm

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2009-02-28T17:03:00.002+08:00

Just when i thought programming makes you look like a nerd,
maths makes you look like a nerd too.
cool.

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2009-02-26T08:13:00.003+08:00

I listened to the audio book "On Writing Well" by William Zinsser on the way to school yesterday.

I totally liked what the author said about writing.

Some of things mentioned which I feel are especially true and some of which may be useful to you:

As we become better educated, we become more suspicious of simplicity
A good writer who writes about fishes don't use fish English.
When the doctor says "are you experiencing any pain?", he could have asked "does it hurt?"
Most writing can be shortened by 50%. The two words "blared loudly" can be changed to "blared".
Use active verbs rather than passive ones (e.g. I saw him in the library (better) v.s. he was seen by me in the library (bad) ).
Choose nouns carefully. Short ones are better than long ones.

2009-02-19T06:44:00.002+08:00

these are peaceful days for me.
I have gotten a little laid back,
enjoying the "off season".
the calm before the storm

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2009-02-15T00:49:00.002+08:00

I can't really believe I'm 24 today.
Thanks for the well wishes so far.
Before I sleep, let me write a few thoughts.
In retrospect, it's been a tough year.
In many situations I felt like throwing in the towel.
But still I hadn't and I hope I won't.
I only have one wish for this year.
I wish for all around me to be healthy and happy.
I don't know who's in charge of fulfilling wishes.
But whoever you are, I only asked for one thing.
And I hope you will do it well.

Cheers,
Hong Wei

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2009-01-21T07:03:00.003+08:00

I was in a bad shape and mentally bruised yesterday.
So, alone I took a bus home at night, leaving a friend bewildered at my choice over the usual MRT way home.
I needed to escape from the harsh lights and cacophony of chatter.
And a slow bus ride coursing through isolated roads was nearly perfect.
The bus was half-vacated, relatively cooling and dim.
And I enjoyed watching the world flew by.

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2009-01-17T09:12:00.002+08:00

Shuffling between two universities is like switching between two firefox browser tabs.
If only it's as easy.
I still struggle to keep awake for the afternoon 3-hour classes in SMU by drinking coffee.
But it doesn't really help.
The Dark Age has once again begun, threatening to overrule my CNY public holidays.
I foresee that I would be playing catch-up through CNY.
Probability of minimal CNY visiting is 1.
Oh yes, I'm taking a statistics class this semester and I know I'm poor at that. So dead.
And I see people falling asleep in statistics class.
I figured that either because the materials are too easy for them,
or because the materials are incomprehensible(that applies to me).
someone save me.
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It's week 1 for NUS and week 2 for SMU.
all's merry and happy, especially with CNY arriving.
I read the zodiac and horoscopes forecasts every year.
It's supposed to be good year for the Rat.
I hope it comes true.

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2009-01-07T07:53:00.002+08:00

Going to school didn't feel like going to school.
Beautiful campus. New faces.
I took my first class yesterday.
The professor's nice. The materials are also interesting.
But still, the 3-hour class almost put me to sleep.
I probably can't sit still for long, especially without talking to anyone beside me.
That just isn't me.
I'm almost always restless and doodling in lectures. or sleeping.
Maybe I'll try harder to know more people.

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2009-01-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

I'm back to school in a few hours time!
plan to have Mac Donald's breakfast and sip some hot coffee before going to school.
excited but not prepared yet.
Perhaps a change of environment will make life less boring.
My primary goals for this semester:

make more friends at SMU;
and score an A/A+ for Operating Systems in NUS (I like technical modules!).

2009-01-01T09:15:00.002+08:00

2009.
New beginnings.
I'm not ready.
School's starting on 5th January.
I need more rest.

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2008-12-26T19:11:00.005+08:00

My latest YouTube craze.

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2008-12-25T01:48:00.002+08:00

Dinner with friends @ Manhattan Fish Market, Central Mall
My last minute effort to avoid missing out on a feast.
Xmas gave me the reason to be sinful.
A thick slice of grilled salmon. cocktail. pumpkin soup. mango cake.
We queued for quite a long time and we were allocated an outdoor table at the back of the restaurant.
could have been an ideal spot.
wooden floor planks, wooden chairs and leather-lined table top. a few loosely hung coloured lights lent a peaceful and laid-back feel to the place.
we had a good view of the Singapore River and the line of neon-lit clubs and pubs on the other side of the river.
Then it began to drizzle lightly.
Sporadic waves of cold wind blew raindrops onto the table, chairs and us.
We were "relocated". dinner was served right after.
after dinner, we randomly walked and took a few pictures.
the last act of the day took place in a two-storey Mac Donald's:
sending out well-wishes sms messages to friends over coffee.
I received a number of well-wishes as well. =)

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2008-12-24T13:31:00.002+08:00

Days passed quickly.
I caught the movie "Ip Man" (pronounced yip man, not I-P Man).
An ardent fan of action movies, there's no doubt how much I enjoyed the show.
Jogged and ad-hoc cycled two days ago.
went to the beach and watch the waters (makes me want to sail).
Got back my examination results yesterday. phew. everything was okay.
Sang with a friend.
Not really eventful but at least I'm fully relaxed.
It's xmas eve. merry xmas to everyone.

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2008-12-20T11:04:00.002+08:00

I've been planning to watch "A Beautiful Mind" for a long time and finally a few days ago I watched it.

brief synopsis from Wikipedia:

Beautiful Mind is a 2001 American film inspired by the life of John Forbes Nash, a Nobel Laureate in Economics[1]. The film was directed by Ron Howard and written by Akiva Goldsman. It was inspired by a bestselling, Pulitzer Prize-nominated 1998 book of the same name by Sylvia Nasar. The film stars Russell Crowe, along with Jennifer Connelly, Ed Harris and Paul Bettany. The story begins in the early years of Nash's life at Princeton University as he develops his "original idea" that will revolutionize the world of mathematics. Early in the movie, Nash begins developing paranoid schizophrenia and endures delusional episodes while painfully watching the loss and burden his condition brings on his wife and friends.

I'm totally amazed by Russell Crowe's acting in this film. There's a speech towards the end of the film and I believe it to be one of the best movie speeches I have heard:

Thank you. I've always believed in numbers; and the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, "What truly is logic? Who decides reason?" My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional -- and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you [his wife, Alicia]. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons.

Thank you.

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2008-12-20T06:28:00.002+08:00

Another half-awake, half-asleep night.
I wonder what's gone wrong with me.
Unable to sleep normally.
Holidays are getting exceedingly boring.
Envisioned plenty of fun stuff to do when I was having one hell of a time with exams and projects. But now, I just sit and watch the time pass by.
And yours truly wonder how his fellow schoolmates have packed schedules during the holidays.
A voice within says: everyone seems busy except you (yes, you).
To make matters worse, module plans for the upcoming semester are in a constant state of flux.
I'll be on local partial exchange program to SMU in less than 20 days and I have a lot of what-ifs in my mind. I'm not yet prepared to attend classes in both universities concurrently.
what should I do today?

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2008-12-17T00:25:00.003+08:00

I read two story books for the past 2 days.
finally pushed myself to tidy my room and stashed away the semester's notes and papers.
attended my cousin's wedding.
went to the zoo with two couples today. can't help feeling like a light bulb (hehe).
quite a fun but tiring day.
getting lazy to go outdoors these days.
Looking forward to a new year.
my resolutions for this coming year are,
In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I'm building my confidence in speaking and presenting.
In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I'm living healthier.

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2008-12-12T10:52:00.005+08:00

Roughly one week into the December holidays.
Finished watching the entire 40-episode kung-fu drama. Quite a number of exciting as well as moving scenes.
Had dinner with two groups of friends for the past 2 days.
I had a good rest as well.
Still waking up feeling aimless every day.
I can't put my heart to do anything serious.
Yesterday I had a missed call from an unknown number.
Upon reply, I realized he's someone I know.
He told me that he needed some help from me.
I told him I would get back to him but I deliberately didn't.
To me, it doesn't matter.

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2008-12-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

An entire day of rain. An outdoor plan gone awry.
A friend's birthday celebration.
A group of us had lunch & caught a movie instead.
Shot some photos. Never photogenic with my plastic smile.
Fun day despite the wet and cold weather.
The train halted at least thrice on the way home.
Terrible service. Hopelessly zealous commuters.
I refused to budge a few times.
Continued watching a drama series shortly after reaching home.
I like watching kung-fu dramas. Makes me imagine and believe.
But still, I face an identity crisis.

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2008-12-07T07:54:00.000+08:00

I feel much more energetic after resting for a few days.
Started on my initiative to lose weight.
Jogged in the morning on the day following the last examination date.
Yesterday I managed to avoid junk food while dining out (having sore throat as well).
Bought a t-shirt too (just felt that I should reward myself for working hard).
Will be going out for some purposeful shopping today, time to snap out of my sleepy mood!

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2008-12-06T11:09:00.000+08:00

things I plan to do this holiday

Catch up with friends & relatives
X' mas outing? (too old for that?)
Get some exercise & eating sensibly (so hard!)
Watch a kung-fu drama series & movies I missed long ago (a beautiful mind & 8 mile)
Sing till I drop
Stare into space and roll on my bed
Technical skills upgrading (since my interpersonal skills & presentation skills have shown so little improvement, I shall focus on my core competency =P)
Read a few selected books

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2008-12-05T06:28:00.000+08:00

I realised that my body clock has been perversely altered by my poor sleeping routine.
Falling asleep is a chore, waking up is a breeze.
Decided to do a self-evaluation for the entire semester. And here goes,

What worked for me

Never putting off or skipping weekly readings (I read the entire 16 articles for a module during the first two weeks and was then able to cope with the tight examination schedule).
Skipping CERTAIN lectures (you are better off using the two hours to do something productive. Exercise discretion though).
Skipping forum discussions to prevent anxiety and information overload (never always a good idea to follow the crowd).
Using Adobe Acrobat to aggregate research information sources for reading (e.g. web pages and word documents)
Using Adobe Acrobat to combine multiple PDF lecture & tutorial files into a single file for printing. Only one print request to a shared printer in school (saves time!)
Using Google Docs for collaborative discussion. (ability to track contributions)
Nokia Wireless Presenter (wirelessly controlling a power point presentation using a mobile phone.)

What went wrong

Poor group coordination and my inability to effectively assign work as a project leader
Frequent burnouts from overwork
Expectations > abilities

Insights & Implications

Learn each module well (especially prerequisite modules) because much of the information learned in one module is repeatedly used in other modules (e.g. the terms authentication & authorization have been repeated in 3 modules). Learn it well, D.R.Y. (Don't Repeat Yourself)

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2008-12-04T21:51:00.000+08:00

The nightmarish exams are over!
I feel happiness beyond words can describe.
The past 2 weeks have been stressful and tiring.
Now I feel like an unleashed animal. Bursting with excitement and energy.
Went to sing with friends just now. What a great way to relieve stress and tension by screaming!
=)

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2008-11-26T08:17:00.000+08:00

After a good night's rest, I'm ready to get up and be on my way again.
The road to the finishing line. 4th December.
Looking forward to the December holidays.
Joyous occasions.
Christmas. A cousin's wedding. Several friends' birthdays. Brother's return from India.
And the oh-so-carefree afternoons.
But it's also the time to make crucial decisions.
Oh well, I shall not dwell on things too much. Life's too short anyway.

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2008-11-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

3 papers are over. 2 more to go.

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2008-11-20T09:59:00.000+08:00

Yes! my presentation just ended about an hour ago.
Everything went well with a minor exception.
The project that I presented was an e-commerce ticketing system.
The part that did not work was the currency conversion.
It worked every time before but for no apparent reason it failed during my presentation.
Hmmm. Murphy's law in action.
But I'm happy now that I have crossed another hurdle alone.
I would like to thank two friends for their early morning sms messages of encouragement! Thank you!

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2008-11-19T17:47:00.000+08:00

There's still a long way to tomorrow's presentation but I'm getting cold feet already.
It's an 8 am presentation.
I fear presentations always, however minor or insignificant they are.
I know things are not likely to turn out badly but, still, I'm not confident.
Maybe this upcoming holidays or some day, I will find some way to overcome this fear.
It's a terrible feeling. Presenting alone for 30 minutes on an early morning.
I can visualize myself presenting tomorrow.
Shaky hands and dry pale lips.
God save the poor man.
My 1st paper on Saturday. Let's hope things turn out well.
I need a break.

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2008-11-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

I figured out that I must have overworked.
As most of my assignments have been handed in, I'm more relaxed but at the same time feeling totally drained.
So far, I churned out a total of about 7 reports, developed 2 systems, and presented for 4-5 times.
And for many times this semester, when the nights grew late and when the rest of the world is quiet, yours truly hoped that someone would step forward and help. The only sounds were the barely audible breathing of my laptop processor and my own heartbeat.
Disappointments abound..
I'm resorting to writing to motivate myself. I can do it. I can do it.

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2008-11-10T06:48:00.000+08:00

One fine morning, I created this blog. I previously held one for 3 years and for some reason decided to quit blogging. After being passive for a few months and having experienced considerable changes in my life, I'm back!

At first, I thought of using my old blog which I now keep private but I decided not to because when I read my previous posts, I laughed. Though it's been a short span of time since I last wrote, I honestly seemed to have grown up far more than I did in the last two years.

For a start, I recognized character differences. I wished I had been wiser in the past when I was totally self-centered and tried to make others follow suit. Slowly, I began to understand others better while still keeping my goals in perspective.

I must say that school's been a real test for me for the past few months. I never thought it was possible to survive given the back-to-back deadlines. Ironically, I'm walking towards the end of the tunnel and I see light. Presentations. Systems. Reports. Almost everything is over except the exams. I wish for the holidays to come faster. I miss the days when I spent entire hours exploring places, food, technology and mingling with people.

Write again soon.